You won't believe the 5 things I'm going to say next. Click now to find out.

taboola

Dear click-hungry writers: if your article’s title has the following:

  • “You won’t believe…”
  • “You have to…”
  • “The funniest thing you’ll see today…”
  • The words “awesome”, “great”, “incredible”

or anything else that might indicate that your title was specifically designed to attract clicks, fuck you. You won’t get me to “click here” to “find out more”. If your online publication has some sort of reputation, you’re losing it (Yes Boy Genius Report, I’m pointing my fingers at you). I’ve been on the internet long enough to know when an article is written just for clicks and has no substance.

On a related but separate note, how hard is it to NOT click on the “You might also be interested in” section at the bottom of online articles? I mean, I do want to find out how I can eat all the chocolate in the world without gaining weight, about how Obama has ruined America, how Emma Roberts, Jessica Lawrence or Kate Upton feel about Ebola, and the latest ways to avoid paying taxes. Seems like a great way to invest a click.